5 Simple Activities to Help You Feel Better
(If you've landed on this page without doing the first two activities, you might want to go back to the beginning.)
Here’s one that sounds easy but may be harder than you think . . .
#3 Enjoy
It’s part of our biology to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It is also part of our biology to be on the lookout for what’s wrong. An animal out on the savannah doesn’t survive if it doesn’t notice when something is amiss and the same was true for our human ancestors. So while we want pleasurable experiences, we spend a lot of time focusing on the things we perceive as problems.
Many of us try to use pleasure to deal with pain or problems. I feel sad, angry, anxious or even physical pain, so I do something to make myself feel better, like have a drink or eat ice cream or go shopping or have sex. Unfortunately, we may not actually enjoy the activity, we are just glad to have gotten away from feeling bad. Or we do enjoy it, but begin to believe that’s the only way we can experience pleasure.
I can only speak for Americans, but it seems like we swing between the extremes of denial and deprivation on one hand and indulgence and gratification on the other. We lose the ability to enjoy simple everyday experiences. Life becomes fuller when we have the ability to experience what one of my teachers, Steve Hoskinson, calls “healthy, non-addictive pleasure.”
I don’t think I need to give a lengthy scientific rationale to support the idea that if you are able to enjoy more throughout your day, you will feel better. So let’s get to it.
Now that you’ve had time to play with your orientation skills, you’re going to let your senses wander around and see what they are attracted to. Notice what things in your environment your eyes or ears like. Notice if there is anything about the way your body is sitting in the chair that you like. You are just roaming around with your attention to see what is pleasing to you.
If it’s hard to find anything, maybe you can find something that’s a little better than neutral or something that seems more agreeable to you than something else (e.g., I like the leaves on that plant better than the fabric on the sofa). If you’ve never paid much attention to your own experiences and feelings or you tend to dismiss them (a common childhood survival strategy), then this may take some practice. You can do it!
Once you are getting the hang of noticing things you like, you can start practicing “savoring” them. Spend some time looking at, listening to or otherwise sensing something you like in your environment (could be the dog, a glass of water, the bookcase). Identify what it is that is pleasing to you about this object or experience (it could be shape, color, texture, etc.) and then sense into your body to feel the pleasure of it. Sometimes, we can’t find words to describe the experience; we just have a feeling inside that is nice when we see, hear, touch, smell or taste that thing. Try to find the feeling of enjoyment and then feel it for a moment.
We can think of savoring as the ability stay with the feeling of enjoyment a little bit longer. Again, while it sounds like it should be nice, it may actually be quite unfamiliar and therefore hard to do.
As with all of the lessons, you can stop any time during your day for a little enjoyment break. Remember, it doesn’t have to be big. Our search for big enjoyment actually robs us of the many little enjoyments we could have all day long (and quite possibly the little enjoyments are exactly what prime the pump for bigger enjoyments). When you get familiar with enjoyment, you may find yourself spontaneously noticing when you are in the middle of an enjoyable experience—that’ll be a great time to practice savoring.
I have made some short recordings of guided exercises like this. One is called Pleasant/Unpleasant, which might help with the practice on this page. Click here to listen.
If any of these exercises are frustrating or triggering, you can contact me for support.
